Our kids are 8 and 11. Yes, I am focusing on my self and my healing, and trying to look forward and do things on my own and with my kids. Also trying to see things for what it is and stop justifying his behavior, clinging to false hope, but something is not right and I can't shake it.
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Update

He finally said that he wanted to seek medical help and wanted pills. He agreed to go to counseling alone to sort his own issues, not marital counseling. Still going through the divorce, his appointment was yesterday.

He said that he carries a lot of guilt and that he hates himself, and everyone he sees me he is reminded of what he had done to me and his kids. He is sick, and happy that he is finally seeking help for his mental health issues.