From what I have read in what you share you sound like a very kind and caring person. I believe that you genuinely love your husband and you so badly wanted him to understand that and be able to be with you and his children.

When your husband served, before he did those tours he went through extensive training. Men that serve are recruited when they are still very young and when one learns about brain development the human brain continues to develop up until age 25.

When young men are trained they go though many exercises over and over again so they learn how to focus and also NOT hesitate. One of the biggest challenges that cost lives was when men were put into combat situations and when it came time to use their weapon, they hesitated, so they have training to prevent that hesitation. However, when a young man goes on tour and is taken to a place where there is active battle engagement, they end up having to be in constant high alert mode. While that too is considered in training, truth be told there is nothing exactly like the actual combat environment. Also, there is nothing that truely prepares these men for the horrors they will witness that are real and not simulations.

Truth is, even one tour of duty can severely traumatize a person depending on what that tour exposes them to. Active duty significantly changes a person in more ways then they can articulate. And it isn't JUST about how it affects these men psychologically either, it also can affect their entire lymphatic system.

Many of these men are in fact forever changed, and when they come home from serving it is very hard for many of them to readjust to what is considered normal civilan life. While you are at home raising children or working and home making, you don't wake up or go to sleep thinking at any time you could be killed. When you get in your car to go grocery shopping you never worry that you may accidently drive over a bomb that blows up your vehicle that can kill you. When you go out and are around other people you never even think about suddenly seeing another person killed or blown apart or laying in front of you or next to you with an arm or leg blown off. Also, you never think about how anyone you meet in your daily life can suddenly be killed either.

So, in essence there is a lot of things a civilian never experiences or worries about that a young man going off on a tour of duty in a war zone has to think about CONSTANTLY. So what happens is that when these men come back from living every day completely different is now changed and that alone can create "distance" in a relationship. Add to that the ptsd challenge and how that challenge affects someone and now you have an even bigger challenge. I have ptsd myself and I am constantly dealing with the challenges I experience from it, I can't even imagine the challenges a war vet has with what these vets get exposed to.

You are trying to see a normal for yourself, and instead there is something that you will never see that is now his normal within his condition called ptsd and whatever is in his mind that he is constantly very restless and alone with.

I am concerned that you may be told things and to make judgements that may not truly fit with your specific challenge. When someone challenged with ptsd, especially a war veteran talks about suicide for instance, don't just assume this is emotional blackmail. The high percentage of suicide cases with war veterans suffering with ptsd is proof that something genuinely challenging is taking place and NOT some kind of emotional blackmail. Truth is some individuals get very lost in their struggle with ptsd, it's not unusual for a person struggling to not feel "safe" or settled anywhere. And even with "anyone", which can mean not you or some other woman he may have cheated on you with.

I can believe what you are experiencing is very confusing, and yet I can also believe what he is experiencing is also very confusing. If he says he is unhappy, there can be more involved with his unhappiness that he may never be able to articulate to you in a way that makes sense to you. Often it's not that YOU and even the children are not worthy of his love, but more of how he is detached and can't love you or his children in a normal way. He is home, he leaves, he is there and gone and this may be speaking of how lost he really is in a way you can't comprehend.

It may help you more if you reached out for support from other women or men that are also being challenged with a veteran husband or even a wife that struggles with ptsd. It's not a crime to love, what is a crime is to expect something another person simply cannot give you.