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Originally Posted by Brokensoul1979
I was not diagnosed with bipolar disorder 1 by a psychiatrist. I did not self diagnose. I was full blown manic and completely paranoid when he was fired. I did not know what I was doing but that must just seem like an excuse since it was said that I am abusive to others. I was seeing a therapist until recently when I relocated. I don't have any support system. My mother and sister do not speak to me and my father and step father are dead. I lost all of my friends in the divorce. He has been helping me from time to time. Is adultery something that cannot be forgiven? I didn't do it just to have a good time. I have unresolved issues from my childhood sexual abuse by multiple men and a mother who did not love me and blamed me for the abuse. I am trying to work through my issues and am currently taking multiple antipsychotics and antidepressants.
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I don’t think there is “must” or “cannot” here. If your husband doesn’t want to reconcile, then you can’t force him. Some people forgive and some don’t. It’s not even a question of forgiveness. People are not obligated to stay after affair. Till death do us apart doesn’t involve adultery. Even the most conservative and religious communities generally opposing to divorce, will not tolerate adultery. Having said that, of course many people stay.
Also let’s face it not everyone stays because they forgive. Many stay because they don’t want to give up comfort of marriage and comfort of their bills being paid, many stay because divorcing means fending for yourself and be independent, which they might not want to do. It might not be your situation but many stay for that reason. So when you hear someone forgave an affair, did they really forgive or just stayed for those reasons?
Many stay but there is no true forgiveness because they dislike or even hate their spouse so much that they spew so much venom, resentment and hatred. Some say such asinine things about their spouses that I can’t even comprehend. It’s way more honorable to leave than stay and be so negative and hateful about your spouse. Sadly that’s what happens when affairs are supposedly “forgiven”.
Would he be able to stay with you and be truly loving husband or he be saying and thinking mean and unkind things about you because he’ll resent you for cheating?
I personally don’t cheat and weren’t cheated on, but I believe it’s up to the person if they want to stick around. He doesn’t want to reconcile. You can’t force him. If he wants to, he will. It’s up to him
I commend you for seeking help and that’s what you should do now. Focus on getting better. Read, try to find therapist, stay on meds etc seek help, support groups, try to live healthier life. Don’t focus on getting him back if he doesn’t want to be back.
And you might want to stay no contact because he is just confusing you and messes with your feelings.