The most courageous thing you could do was what you just did - You reached out. Here are a group of people who know how you feel and at the same time wouldn't want anything to happen to you, and hope things get better. There are no quick solutions, and I am so sorry that you had to make the decision you had to make. At the same time I commend you for staying by your wife. Family, including wife, should never put the people they love in that position. Keep doing what you are doing - bettering yourself - and guaranteed things will get better. You can't give up on you...