The thing about denial, is that it's a form of SELF enabling. Also, wanting others to help you practice this "self enabling" is essential. Also, there is a step that can be hard, and that's in making amends and actually SAYING YOU ARE SORRY to the ones you gaslighted and were mean to while engaging this disease and your self enabling and denials that cost others. Finally being accountable is an important step in recovery. And admitting YOUR part in relationship failures and choices. He/she did NOT make you do it, IT WAS YOUR CHOICE.

When someone practices what could be years of denial in this disease, they can form a habit of "practicing story changing and blaming others". Don't expect the TRUTH about what really happened during a blackout. That is also something that becomes a habit of making up a story and it's not unusual to experience their anger about that too. (been there experienced that) Unfortunately, blaming you for THEIR mood or problem or whatever they are not pleased with also becomes part of the denial habit learned behavior that takes time to STOP practicing while working on living life sober with a program to help you finally see your problem, and I mean ALL OF IT.

Someone says, I will JUST stop drinking on my own. Bad idea because that's often what leads to dry drunk behaviors. These are all the nasty habits one learned while active that they NEED to fix and work on. Nope, they don't just go away, sometimes they get worse. Often what is desired is the reward and title or compensation, not so much the work, much like the disease.

Over the years I have grown to respect the commitment of recovery. I can see it takes time and how important it is to follow a structured program which helps one learn how to grow up and be accountable. Yet, I have no interest in engaging with an active drinker, I already learned I can't get through and I end up just being on call for their drama and delusional thinking caused by this disease. Agruing with a drunk is just like arguing with a narcissist, it typically ends poorly and only their version counts, that is if they even remember.

Anything sound familiar? Maybe you were not conscious of it, but felt it all?