hi wounded,
big hugs to ya, cause i totally understnd where you are coming from. my husband is a bipolar alcoholic. when we married almost 7 yrs ago we both were confident that we had the kind of love and understanding of each other that would last us a life time. BOY was we wrong!!! 2 yrs ago after he was robbed at gun point and shot at, he went into a real dark place that i just couldn't understand or help him out. after several unsettling incidents and he started drinking everyday, i finally got him to seek help and BPD it was.

i try and try and after his bipolar diagnosis in feb 08 but he has pushed me away, closed me out totally and made me his #1 enemy. i'm not sure why because i have never done anything for him to be so rude, inconsiderate, belligerant and hateful towards me. i use all my free time studying up and seeking info on his bipolar so i can help, support and encourage him to want to get balanced and come out of that prison bottle and live again.

sometimes i think he's testing my loyalty and love but then i think he really wants nothing but to jump in a bottle of beer. either way i keep trying to stay strong, positive and consistant for him. omg it hurts and gets so hard sometimes and i want to run like forrest gump lol

there is no support groups in our area and our finances are in the tank (due to his mania spending) and the odds are stack against us but silly me still has a glimmer of hope for him and us. there is a country song, not sure who sings it but there's a line that says "loving a man shouldn't hurt this bad" that says so much and hit's home for me.

good luck and God bless you wounded, and i hope you find happiness in whatever choice you make.

take care of you,
chiwawa mom aka rayla