My hoodie came today and it’s a bit big. I have bought 3 hoodies from this place (Dicks Sporting Goods) in the last month and the first one was too small, then of course the new one stretched out. The second one fit fine, and this new one is a bit big. I wish I could go up a size in shirts and still lose weight. So I don’t have to shop at Hot Topic.

Today I legitimately but calmly and non confrontationally talked to my mom about why I wasn’t in therapy when I was younger and why I didn’t get my autism diagnosis until I was 15 even though I was non verbal until I was 4. I was very calm and we had been talking about other similar things before that. We were driving to and from Sonic. But yeah I mean I do blame her for not seeing the signs that are very obvious now. But I also blame my school district. She asked me if I thought if I got help when I was 4 if things would be different today. And I said “yeah. A lot different.” I ruminate on this a lot. This is the first time I’ve actually said anything though.

My mom cut my hair today. Man does it looks awful. I’m glad I wear a hat everywhere I go. At least my dysphoria isn’t freaking me out right now.

Sorry for all the negativity lately. I’m not being crabby to my family, and I wouldn’t dare email my therapist, so PC is the only place I can truly communicate what I’m feeling.