I was afraid that t would decide that I needed another type of intervention, i.e. hospital. And then it passed.

Someone asked a question of what would my obituary would express. I want to be known for more than my limitations and challenges. But I was, and still am a little, confused at what to write. The last 5 years I've pushed people IRL away, even sometimes online, because I'm terrified of relationships due to too many people leaving either physically or emotionally. If I do continue to push people away, I'd be the one hurt, physically due to overeating, and emotionally due to shame.

If I let people know more and invite them in, then my obituary would be able to be written, in a manor that is be pleased with. I may be terrified, and learning to learn into the fear will take practice. Nothing happens over night, I didn't get this way in one night. My issues are long term effects of stress. How I eat and act shows how little I care about me. Those who come into contact with me notice how little I care, and some may think it's how I'll treat them. The best way for me is to be and example of what health looks like. Which will require daily effort, and constantly feeling fear and doing things anyway. I won't hold myself to perfection, in fact I can't, perfection isn't going to happen. I can learn from my mistakes and then make changes. That's what I'm doing tonight.

Anyway, is been an interesting day. And I am working on finding a way through mental health issues. A unique Ted talk about how to live to 100, opened my eyes to what life needs to be for me. And I've got a lot of learning to do, and planning, then showing myself love by taking care of me.