Dear rise13eyond, Hearing you talk this way to yourself makes me feel sad. Something or someone has put these thoughts into your mind. No one is perfect. Everyone has made mistakes. You are important. You will find your way eventually. I myself have been a late bloomer in so many ways. I have had zero self esteem with severe depression. Maybe you could try googling about cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)? Just to help pull you out of this deep, dark, cruel hole you're in. Please, will you try? You don't know yet how important you are! Hugs & lots of love to you!!