OK,

So this may take awhile. Going to try to get you the best picture possible. Since I was a kid, my mother has been a bit strange. Since I can remember she has had communication problems (that I almost ended up with too). She definitely has a social disorder - doesn't like people and cannot relate to most. She was a professional cake decorator for the 1st 10 years of my life. All hell broke loose and she got carpal tunnel in both arms and lost her job. We lived with my grandmother and great grandmother and had plenty of income. The schools in my town once you got to middle school sucked so, after my Great Grandmother died, we used my college fund to buy property and a 1986 double wide mobile home for me, my grandmother who had and amputated leg and was confined to a wheelchair, and myself.

Needless to say, Grandma was a bad violent alcoholic and being stuck out in the country with no wine made her all that more nasty. Her and my mom ended up getting in a fight when I was about 11. She took her own life. Cause of death undetermined - we think she took an overdose of insulin - she was diabetic.

So after that, mom is in nursing school. Hardly ever home. I raise myself basically. I loose my dad about six months after that (He lived in another state and I only met him once.) Sometime in this point, and I can't remember EXACTLY when, I remember mom trying to commit suicide by taking a bunch of pills. I remember thinking it was stupid back then. I didn't realize until I was older that it was actually fear and pain I felt. Sad.

Not to say my mom was a BAD mom by any means. But, she just makes a whole lot of bad decisions. She could never keep a job for any length of time and everytime she quit is was someone else's fault, this or that, but, never, never her. The longest job she had was a good paying state job and she just swore that this one nurse was out to get her so she quit. I've had to work with people like that and, I don't give up. She always copped out. It was after she quit her good state job that BAM she had a wreck, BAM her eyes are messed up and BAM we need a lawsuit and disability. I'm SORRY but it all seems to convenient for ME.

SO there is no retirement for her. No padding, and still only her 1986 mobile home that the roof leaks in. She was in a car accident in 2002 that she has tried to MILK for every dime. When I was a kid she "borrowed" no telling how much money from 3rd cousins she knew were wealthy. She hocked family heirlooms that I cannot tell you ... how invaluable they would have been to me. Now she has sucked my uncle Andy's retirement out of him. And she decided after 02 how bad her back and knees and neck hurt that she could not work much less get out of the bed. Now she claims she has this rare eye disorder that is making her lose her central vision. No doubt this is true but, MY GOD WHERE DOES IT STOP!!!!!!

So, we go to get her back-disability yesterday to hope she can pay off her mortgage. Nope. Long story but, Nope. So I go home and start launching her a website for donations. She does nothing to help me with this. She calls me and asks me if I have done anything yet and I tell her - "I told you to write down all the technical stuff so I can put it on there". She never does it. Until she realizes I wont do it for her.

Then, I had her making cakes for donations down at my boyfriends store. And my boyfriend sold these cakes, she just delivers (social disorder). And here's the thing. I had the money tucked in a cash box for her next eye injection, or possibly to start saving for a catering trailer (I had an idea that it may help her with income and it's something the whole family would enjoy) and I told her she could go get the money for the grocery money of hers she spent on the cakes out of the box. NOW IT IS ALL GONE! In less than 3 weeks, $380.00 that I had saved up for emergency, or to possibly buy a catering trailer so she can have her own biz under my name - is GONE.

Jeez, I take two steps forward and she knocks me back. Now she swears there was not $380.00 in there. That she did not take that much. I have been keeping track of the income and expenses from the cakes. I have a spreadsheet that tells me EXACTLY how MUCH is in there.

And now she calls me today because she took her butt down to my house to look for the cash box and it was GONE! I sent it to work with my boyfriend to put in the safe. She said she needed cigarettes and needed that money.

I'm going to have a talk to her today. you know, I don't mind helping but it sure seems like I"m beating a dead horse.

She won't ask for child support for my little brother because she does not want to give up visitation. he's 11! I say let HIM make that decision. What is she going to do about her house? God forbid I went on with my life to have children and a family. I feel trapped by her neediness. Is that nuts? Am I being mean for wanting her to do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. Instead of NOTHING?

I feel hopeless.