Yes! About my ptsd, I didn't even knew I had it. On my second counselor first appointment, she told me: you have ptsd. I've never had panic attacks before, I never shook at the sight of a street, I never felt like I couldn't breath when I saw his car, I never had fear of his phone, I didn't tremble at the sight of a certain app etc. I was in rough shape. I almost quit my new job because it was near "the house of sin". My therapist told me that exposure to triggers help and that those feelings will eventually go away when you make new positive memories, and boy was he right. And I started that process of healing and recovery, it took over a year to feel full and happy again... And now this.

The good news is that I've already done my grieving two years ago and I've very few tears left to cry. I'll give him credit that for a while he put up with my trauma and helped me, he told me I was safe, he told me he was never going to go away again. I believed him, ... And now, wham! I feel so stupid, but don't regret the beautiful two years we got to spend together, happy again in fools paradise. I was happy, he said he was "happier than ever", until his enabler committed suicide a couple of months ago, and his mistress started to circle back up to collect on the opportunity. He then decided that if he is/was still contemplating/confused about the greener grass elsewhere then we had no tomorrow. I just want him gone. The mind games are just too much for me.

Now here I'm saddle with lawyers and the ****** process of dismantling our family, while he is out basking on his success that I HELPED him build. He is on top of his game right now, today the fruits of his hard work and mine and our children have come to fruition.

Money cannot compensate for this blackhole, this hell. But it will sure make things easier. I wish we were in our little condo with our babies budgeting our little pennies and being blissfully happy. Now I sit here in my golden cage, alone, raising kids alone, seeing him succeed off my back, and he comes around for "the kids" but don't interact with them. He wants to punish me, control me and making me feel less than human by trying to be nice, being cold, selfish, wanting his attention and all of his entitlements of affection, understanding, help etc. No regard of how this makes me feel. I feel stuck.

He said that he is going to spend the night all week "elsewhere"band come in at 6:00 am for the kids, and come around to stay the weekends. That is better, more space between us, I just hope to get through this in one piece.

Thank you all