You need to get down on your knees and beg for forgiveness.
And not to get her back, as that ship has probably sailed, but for your own long term well being. If you have her forgiveness, you will be more likely to forgive yourself down the road.

Your behavior has been nothing short of soul crushing. The way you treated your wife would suck the life and joy out of any woman and any relationship. However, by now you probably know this.

Your wife is right in not getting into couples therapy with you. It is not recommended in abusive relationships.

You seem to have a lot of insight into your behavior, and for this you are to be commended. You could get a lot out of therapy if you utilize this insight to your advantage.

May you be blessed with the insight and courage to change.