More sobbing from my husband.

It's just too hard. I try to stick to business items we need to discuss, and inevitably, the conversation turns into one about what happened in our relationship. He consistently tells me he misses me and loves me.

I broke down last night and admitted back to him that I've missed him too, telling him this has been hard on me. I caved, but I was also being honest. I have missed him, and especially last night I was. I was thinking back on funny incidents that occurred between us that had made us crack up hysterically. And I was missing the good parts of his personality that I enjoyed - he could always make me laugh. He's actually very funny and very entertaining at times.

That was the first time I had told him I've missed him. I also informed him that I am sad over this.

I know what this does - it gives him an opening to try and work his way back in. But I also coupled my statements with "let me be clear - I no longer want this relationship".

Now he tells me he cannot get me off of his mind and out of his heart - so what is he doing exactly? Is he trying to get me out through other women? That's all I can think of that he's doing right now. Of course he must be. I am not doing that myself. I have no interest, plus it's a pandemic. I will not be on any dating sites trying to meet men, or on any sex sites either for casual sex. For all I know, that's what he's doing right now and he probably is. This reality would have hurt me a few weeks back, but it's something I have to consider and accept at this point. I suppose if I'm truly honest with myself, it does hurt a bit that he would do this right now, but it's beyond my control. We all handle grief and loss and the ending of a relationship differently.

I wish we didn't have to be in such close touch right now, but we must. There's my health insurance, there's the car, there's moving and household details to cover.

He's calling a salesperson today at Honda to ask about a trade-in.