Thanks RockyRoad...I am so sad about how I behaved and I am filled with guilt. I wish I had taken her pleas for help seriously - and sought out mental help / physical help much earlier in our relationship. Perhaps it would have made me less enraged / less likely to lash out at her.

I am praying for her forgiveness - because you are right: I crushed her spirit slowly over many years, and I don't deserve her forgiveness. I don't think I will ever forgive myself for what I did to her. She is an amazing, kind, considerate, beautiful woman - and I don't deserve her. Maybe I never deserved her.

I pray that my therapies work, and I can grow into a better human being. Then maybe we can be together again - as a married couple - and I can make her truly happy again.

God Bless