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8 years of oscillating between over-medicated and being non-compliant and not taking anything. 6 of those years I was abusing substances too. It wasn't really a matter of getting properly medicated I now realize, it was a matter of cooperating with a team and getting to a place where I made decisions in my best interest.
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"I don't know what I'm looking for."
"Why not?"
"Because...because...I think it might be because if I knew I wouldn't be able to look for them."
"What, are you crazy?"
"It's a possibility I haven't ruled out yet,"
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