It took me a while to figure it out, but for my H who is dBPD, the fear of abandonment came in ways I didn't understand. If I made a statement about....say, the car payment. If I then said, "What do you think?" He would erupt. I didn't understand at the time that he was afraid his answer would be wrong and then I would leave him because he couldn't even give me the right answers. His mind works so differently. It is hard for me to understand.