I just had an appointment and yet again was wasted. Just ********ted about stupid things. I did tell her in the past week I had two nights where I did not sleep at all, she asked if they were back to back and I said no, she said good, and then I got distracted by thoughts and the ********ting started back up again because I cannot stay focused and to be honest I'm not sure if she can. Oh, she asked if I got anymore drugs or had withdrawals and I'm thinking "beeetch have you been paying attention? I haven't used in a month in a half!" But I was good, held my tongue, looked at my cat, started thinking about her food but then I realized it's only 9am and asked her what her question was after forgetting and told her no.

Like I know treatment is different for everyone, but I don't think 5 minutes of stuff related to my treatment that is just me answering her fking worthless questions at least in IOP they would ask things like "do you think you're out of the clear about bipolar and substance use?" and then I'd say "yes" and then they'd explain how they've seen that's a trap they see a lot of people fall into or some **** or where the pig hits the fan.

My mom's genuinely concerned because I haven't slept and that's when things start tumbling and wanted me to specifically bring that up with her and I did and that led nowhere. I guess it doesn't matter because I'm only staying up for 40 hours straight sleeping 6 hours then staying up for another 40 as opposed to staying up for 60 hours straight? Is my math even right? I was a math major ffs I should be able to do numbers but we didn't even work with numbers really. dy/dx e^x + c type **** so no I can't multiply 6(7).