I think that it is because the attunement is one way, that it falls more under an umbrella of reparenting than other relationships that the attunement (and healthiness of the relationship) is two way.

I read through several of the posts on this topic. I would say that the reparenting that has and is going on in my therapy is critical in relearning how I talk to myself; to replace me using the words my parents used to words my T uses.

This past weekend my T told me in an email that 'self attack is not allowed because where is the kindness in that'. I am positive she wouldn't have been able to make such a statement 4 yrs ago. I would have had a world of resistance and blockages. That statement is the key to what's been going on in my head for the last 18-24 months. My inner world has become much quieter and I am not nearly as aggressive towards myself as I used to be... in fact I am hardly ever aggressive towards myself. I don't know how I should be yet - I don't have words/vocabulary/actions to replace the ones I learnt from my parents and I think that's also a part of the concept of reparenting for some - the unlearning what we were taught so we can be taught something else.

For what it is worth, I am in my 50's and yet most the time with my T I barely feel like I'm older than I'd say 10 and that's a growth from when I first started and felt most the time like I was 4 or I would just dissociate when stressed. In my day to day, I had personas/parts and rules that I helped me get through my days - work and so on (and no not DID). And like many, I hid (I hide) behind masks of these personas not sharing who I really am with anyone. I didn't/don't want to be like that... so, one way and I believe the one of the only ways for me to get there is through experiencing it so that the heart can learn what the logic mind knows.

So maybe one element of the concept of reparenting is learning some of the same stuff but through an experiential method rather than a cognitive method. For me, most the time, I don't see or know the reparenting is happening until I experience one of those moments and it feels just special, for lack of a better way to explain it. It's not that I feel special to T or T to me, it's the experience/the moment... and maybe it is just the moment that certain neurochemicals are released as if I was an infant/child. I honestly don't know. I do think that we each have our own needs and maybe you don't have that need in your journey so it's harder to wrap your head around what it feels like. I know it's really hard for me to describe because it feels like there's no real vocabulary for it.