So sorry, coolibrarian. I completely understand! I'm offered triggered by work (in fact, only there, really). I have CPTSD. Consequently, I've read and thought a lot about work-related stress / bullying at work, and so on.

I really think you are being bullied at work!

You show all the signs! I'm so sorry. It's absolutely awful, the effect is has on one's mental health and family.

The good thing is, as soon as you are able to name the thing for what it is, everything makes sense.

These are the first two items of advice on this subject on MIND's website:

1. Review your job description. Is your manager making unreasonable requests, or being unclear about what they expect? Make sure you understand what your role is and what it should involve.

2. Communicate your concerns. Request a one-to-one meeting with your manager to discuss how you feel and what would help you. If you don't feel comfortable meeting your manager alone, ask to bring a colleague or to record your meeting.

You don't have to do those things, coolibrarian! And the list is just scratching the surface of the subject, but they already start to show the key points, which are that your manager is making it impossible for you to do your job. She has an obligation to protect your well-being, physical and mental!

Basically, you are trying extremely hard to carry out your tasks to the very best of your ability! And she's making it literally impossible for you to succeed.

This is why you're bursting into tears. It's because you don't know what to do!

Ignore the redundancy / funding / relocation issues higher up. Those are just excuses.

And if there are things you need to learn, or areas you feel uncertain, that should never make you feel like a piece of crap! It should be seen as a training opportunity.

Take care!