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sarahsweets
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Default Jan 14, 2021 at 07:58 AM
 
Hey @Rose76: I'm wondering if you friend assumes you are still emotionally devasted by your loss to the point where they think you are lonely? Do you think that is the case? Or do you think the motivation from your friend is purely "selfish"(I dont mean that in a mean way) and she just wants to ease her feelings of loneliness? Do you feel that she attempts to lean on you a lot? What I mean is, is she someone you would say is a best friend? The kind of best friend that you feel held you up when you were first going through the early days of your bf's death? Or is she just a friend? Another thing that popped into my head was if she's just a basic friend and expects a ton from you then I dont know how fair that is to you considering what you have been through. But these are just speculations.

I think it would be good practice to do a few things. When she calls, maybe answer and say "hey can I call you back later on in the week, I am in the middle of______ (or something) right now and cant talk". I think this may help sort of...."train" her to know that sometimes when you answer you cant talk. Another thing would be to let some calls go to voicemail and skip a day before returning them unless its a dire situation. This may also help "train" her to know that you aren't jumping to call her back asap. Maybe sometimes answer, talk for 5 minutes and then "oh! I have to call you back, so-and- so is calling me on the other line" or "someone is at the door". I think little things like this could help her respect your boundaries better without you having to have some sort of conversation that could end up in hurt feelings. And if you choose to be direct and tell her when its too late to call or that you need space that wouldnt make you a mean person. It makes you a person trying to take care of herself, set boundaries, and learn to live post-grief. Just my thoughts.
I

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Thanks for this!
Rose76, RoxanneToto