Maybe you should discuss this with your psychiatrist.

Your therapist does seem to be a trigger for you. Many times I recall you complaining about her. And yet didn't you also write recently that you missed her? Maybe there is a negative transference and countertransferace going on? It's common enough. Her putting up strict boundaries to the point of forbidding you from contacting her is a bad sign.

I'll say this, though I can't be sure of your situation, I do know that I have had therapists in the past who gave hints that they wanted to end the relationship when they should have been forthright. To me, "hints" can be cowardly. This does not mean you are to blame. Sometimes the therapist is just not the right person for the job. Find one who is better. You deserve better.