Unfortunately Rose, a lot of people don't know how to listen. They may be fun to do things with and at times can be interesting to converse with, but when it comes to a more personal level of understanding, that's simply not their thing, or is something they don't know how to do.

I tend to be used to that because I have so many around me that have attention deficit disorder and are unable to interact with me on the level that I often desire. Typically, if I need to vent and share emotional challenges, that tends to result in many don't feel statements when what I really needed more was the comfort to allow me to feel. When I was in therapy trying to sort out significant challenges and trying to understand what ptsd was and why I was struggling so much, my therapist actually listened and we also had two sided conversations. Honestly, after a while I thought "wow so this is what it's like to be able to talk to someone who CAN talk and listen". There were times where my therapist could barely keep up with me, he would stop me and say "What you said was very traumatic, let's just sit with those emotions instead of running by them".

Then he met my husband when I brought him with me for a session and that's when he got to see WHY I developed this "rush through my emotions" that I was doing. He also noticed that when I tried to talk my husband tended to take over and interupt instead of actually allowing me to talk. The next time I had therapy and was by myself my therapist said to me "I noticed right away that your husband has severe ADHD, that must be very hard for you to live with". Often we pick a partner that may be harder to deal with not seeing it because it's familiar. Ofcouse there is a lot more understood now then 40 years ago when I got married and even long before when I was young and it was always in my environment.

We needed a box to fit a Christmas present in and there was a box from my parents that was full of pictures, yet also many cards that I made for my father. I used to make my father cards and one thing I knew was for him to enjoy one of my cards it needed to be about HIM personally. My father was a very self absorbed man and while others tended to pick on his passion, I did not do that but instead let him look at his passion that came out touching and comical. He used look forward to my cards and laugh at the same time being touched too, and then he would put them on the refrigerator so he could walk by them in the morning and laugh again. Then he would bring the cards out to show his customers and they would laugh too. My father never really knew how to do for me the way I did for him. Yet, I did get close to him in a way no one else did. My mom would complain how my father never really sat and talked to her unless it was something about one of us, their children. I tried to tell her that the only way to get him talking is to ask him about HIM. My father was educated and very intelligent, but tended to be very self absorbed. The only way to get noticed is to climb in his boat, he doesn't feel comfortable climbing into yours.

I find that some of the most educated people tend to stand in judgement of more than have the ability to look at you as deserving to have your own identity, especially when you need emotional support. Sadly, the typical is "oh so sorry and then the me, me, me". When overcome by emotions to the point you cannot articulate the depth of it, it can be a good distraction to sit and listen. Yet, then it's nice to have someone in your life that CAN be patient and sit and listen, maybe not perfectly, but at least hear you to some extent. Maybe it's not just you that happens to attract the wrong people as much as a lot of people don't have that kind of person in their life or know how to give that way so they tend to gravitate to you because you do have the ability to listen.

My husband doesn't listen the way I want, which is typical for someone like him, however, he makes up for that in what he can do which means things are more task oriented that he knows I like to see done or even bring me flowers or candy checking the air in my tires or some kind of task he knows I like having done. You can keep her as a friend, however, know where her short comings are and set some boundaries because it sounds like she is one that will expect you to service her at her whim.