Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Rose, if you do that and she asks you where you were that you did not answer? Just tell her that you often drift off to sleep and you turn your ringer off at night so you don't hear the phone if it rings. That way she will get it in her mind that you turn your wringer off and you are not just ignoring her. And, you could actually turn your ringer off too so you don't get bothered.  
Also, you can tell her that you turn your ringer off when you want quiet or to nap or want to sit and watch a movie undisturbed. This way when she calls and you don't want to talk to her you can choose to not answer and you won't feel guilty about it. Also, it's actually therapeutic for you in that you are not on call for anyone because it can take a while to regain your own sense of space again after all the caregiving where your time was dictated by another's needs.
I don't think it's necessary to discard an aquaintance you have enjoyed spending time with as you have described. I think that where you are right now in your healing is that you are slowly rediscovering yourself again and you like to have control over that and feel you have your own space for a change and that your time is your own now to do what you please.
Believe it or not Rose, when you corrected me? That is also progress because you were able to define something about yourself that's very important, that's a gain. |
I don't think I'm going to try to convince her that I don't just ignore any of her calls by making up some detailed rationale in hopes she'll believe it. That would be me acting out of fear of offending her. If she wants to take offence at me ignoring her phone calls at impolite hours, she can go right ahead and be just as offended as she likes. This is not some naive, childlike person who doesn't quite understand the conventions of polite society. When she calls after 10 p.m., she is being kind of pushy, which is one of her personality traits.
Katherine Hepburn said she lived by a rule that I find appealing: "Don't complain and don't explain." I think part of me claiming what's mine (my own space and time) is for me to know when I don't have to justify myself. If she asks why I didn't answer, I'll just say "I forget." I kind of want her to figure out that I will sometimes choose to not take her call. She tests people's boundaries. This is a person who can be quite nervy. She is very effective and efficient at enforcing her own boundaries, and she is not all that highly concerned about the feelings of others when she wants to curb someone else's behavior. This gal used to earn a 6 figure salary and was quite involved in politics. She's far from dumb and far from being in the dark about social norms.
I don't want my resentment to cause me to discard a relationship that I've enjoyed, at times. I just need to not let this person "play" me, which is what I believe she tries to do.