I had a friend who was a validation-hound, and it got wearying. She moved out of state, but would call me everytime she experienced friction at her job. Then call after call would be the same story re-cycled over and over. After hearing her and reassuring her, I would start talking about my life. That's when she would say, "Well, I guess I need to get going." Finally I flat out told her that I was tired of being cut short. She denied that she ever did that. Some people have such a defense system that there is no getting past it. They are immune to gaining new insight. She was like that. She had been in therapy, but stopped because of the cost. I felt like she was treating our phone chats like therapy sessions. She had been reared by an abusive mother. Self-disclosure can be interesting. I don't mind a friend revealing childhood trauma. However, we grow up, leave home and make our own lives. What was was. If a person gets stuck in the past, that's an issue to address with professional help. Peer support from others with similar issues can also be helpful. But I've learned that being attentive to a broken record just reinforces someone living in the past.

Another friend I saw a lot during the summer kept telling me about her abusive mother. Finally I told her that, since her mother had died a very long time ago, it was time she buried Mom. For months now I haven't heard from her. I can't say I miss her.