@Here we go again, it's not unusual for a vet struggling with PTSD to not reach out for help and hide it for fear it will ruin their future. They do NOT want to be stigmatized and not be able to find something else they can do, even within the service itself.

Unfortunately what your husband did was he began self medicating with alcohol to cope, may have done that and smoked pot and tried other drugs as well. This leads to alcohol dependency and also mood shifts depending on how much alcohol it takes to maintain so as not to experience withdrawls which often leads to early morning drinking and maintaining throughout the day. It's not in the plan to become an alcoholic where it gets to the point where the body literally needs the alcohol or it goes into withdrawl. People manage to function and may go undetected for a while. And then your husband probably let loose when he was with his friend and they hooked up with women at times but not so much in any true HEALTHY way. It's actually not unusual at this stage to hook up with another alcoholic/addict as then both can engage in their addiction without any complaints.

Eventually however, this lifestyle tends to bring with it costs, REAL costs and your husband's friend that committed suicide more than likely could not take this ongoing lifestyle anymore. ALCOHOL DOESN'T REALLY HELP with ptsd, instead it actually can make it even WORSE because it is a DEPRESSANT. Truth be told there are often periods of bad depression and emotional breakdowns and as you mentioned alcohol NEVER actually fills that hole that ptsd creates in a person.

As I had mentioned earlier, it's a bad idea to decide someone expressing thoughts of suicide means emotional blackmail. ESPECIALLY if you are dealing with a vet struggling with PTSD. I am glad you reached out to his parents and plan on talking to the VA as well. He may be unhappy about this, may even lose his job, but it's better than losing his life through suicide as a high percentage of vets are lost due to suicide.

Glad you shared more, it was important that you lay things out not just for people who want to support you correctly, but also for yourself. IMHO, what your husband needs is new friends that are working on healing and facing their ptsd and there are actually better treatments now than 10 years ago. They are constantly studying this challenge in an effort to find ways to help these men and women vets who genuinely struggle often in silence and secret. I believe that he developed ptsd after his first tour too and yet chose to go back and serve three more tours, this is not unusual either.

I am sorry you have had to go through all of this and struggle with secondary ptsd. I don't think it's a good idea to focus so much on "intentional abuse" either. Instead as you mentioned, your husband is actually a very sick individual who needs help, not condemnation. He now has two diseases, ptsd AND alcoholism. So with that alone he has a lot to work on to regain a healthier sense of self.