Hi Corbin, I can identify in with this that you wrote: [How was she expecting to understand anything when at best she didn't show any interest in why I found her behaviour hurtful and what I'd find helpful, at worst she shot down my attempts to express my feelings (by reminding me that it's all transference, or by focusing on how it was not her fault, or 'but you ...'-ing me)? ]

My T did the ‘but you.....‘ing me’ thing as well.