Thank you all for your responses. I really do appreciate the input about what has happened. I know I should see a therapist and talk this all out, but it really is difficult at this time. I tried, not long after he passed. I even went to a grieving parents group, but all I did was cry.

Losses are terribly hard. I do try to enjoy my living sons and their families. They are wonderful and I love all of them. We have some wonderful times together. It's terribly hard though, raising three children to adulthood and wondering what sort of family Ty would have had. I know he would have loved his brother's families.

I think right now is a time for me to morn him more intensly. Holidays are always hard. I don't dwell on the fact that he's not around, but I still miss him. The fact that his birthday is close to the holidays makes it doubly hard. So I do struggle from Thanksgiving to Easter. I remember him, when he was here for those celebrations. I don't bother anyone. I keep it to myself. But I miss him so much.

Thank you all for letting me ramble. Maybe it's just a need to get it off my chest. I don't find many people that will listen. You're all wonderful to do that.