Dear Whereto52,

I can really identify with what you wrote from my own life. I tend to be very anxious and fearful in the kind of situation you mentioned.

A psychologist taught me a little trick for dealing with the anxiety and fear and said to try to make a little game out of the situation. He said, "Imagine you are an alien visiting the planet earth in disguise. Your mission is to gather information on human behavior in various situations. The date you are worried about is such a situation. You are to go to it and while doing "dating things" observe the behavior or the other person. That is your real reason for going on the date."

" What happens on the date," he said, " is not important or whether it leads somewhere or leads nowhere. Your mission is to gather information. So no matter what happens on the date, it is a win/win situation for you since your real mission is to gather information."

"This will take pressure off of you so you will not worry about the outcome or process of the date. There is no pressure on you to perform or succeed at anything since you are just gathering information. Your self-esteem is not at risk since your ultimate mission is gathering information."

I don't know, but this technique helped me a lot to reduce my anxiety and fear and take the pressure off of my before, during and after dates.

Since I am not a doctor or medical professional, I cannot offer any advice that you or anyone could or should rely on. I can only share what has helped me.

Hopefully you will hear from many members here with their own stories and will able to find something helpful in their words. Anxiety and fear can be brutal and drain all the joy of living from us.

I wish you only the very best in the situation you describe and in your life!

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen