One movie I like a lot is a movie called "The Help". I like it because it's not all black and white, but instead addresses a lot of grays that are very important. The truth is anyone, no matter what their color or culture can be marginalized and considered unworthy or some kind of threat in some way. The author of the book this movie was based on is Kathryn Stockett who actually grew up in Jackson Mississippi during the 1960's so she did see many of the aspects she writes about in her book. It's been very well received and became a very popular novel, however, it had been turned down by 60 different publishers before she finally found a publisher that would agree to print. It was so good it ended up being made into a movie and IMHO, they did a good job capturing the feel of the book.

What I liked about it is that it is an example of how not all X's are. One would think it is, however, the author herself is proof that is not the case. A lot of people are self absorbed and their favorite topic is often themselves. That is why Facebook is full of all kinds of people constantly sharing their favorite topic which is themselves. What I appreciate about this author is that not only does she show a lot of different behaviors, but, she also shows the "whys".

What can be desired when it comes to a good story is when an author captures different characters and their behaviors and how SOME characters end up becoming "self aware". This was something that was so touching in the movie/story of "Driving Miss Daisy". The journey that slowly unfolded in this story was in fact the journey of Miss Daisy finally becoming self aware.

The problem with this friend you are discussing is in fact her lack of self awareness. All the things she does that you have shared are revealing her lack of self awareness. However, part of this problem stems from the kind of individuals her parents were and her mother that remains a psychological thorn in her. Self awareness is not the same thing as self absorbed. Actually, when you shared how your friend can say things determining her opinion of others she feels are not respecting how to properly respect expenditures, I am willing to bet that this was instilled in her by her mother. This was something discussed in the movie/book "The Help" too. This was something that one of the women described as even though she cared for children in a loving caring way, they always ended up just like their mothers which is basically "entitled, selfish, and not self aware". That is part of why you mentioned her being a bit narcissistic.

It's very lonely and painful when suffering a significant loss as you have shared Rose. You had a relationship where you learned how to compromise because despite whatever was not perfect about your SO, you knew he did love you and you loved him too. Things you have shared about how you were welcomed after being away from him were very touching when you have experienced how another person can look at you genuinely being glad to see you. It means despite what isn't perfect, there is a genuine heart connect. It may be this woman never really experienced that with someone, so she won't be able to really sit with you in a genuine way. Perhaps she has a bit of bitterness about her that comes out in her behaviors as is often the case. She may never be self aware enough to realize that about herself therefore she will be lacking in her ability to empathize and be the kind of friend you would genuinely value. Those that poke and prod the way you describe of her tend to do so out of personal frustrations they themselves are not aware of. That's when it requires a certain amount of acceptance with the understanding that it's not so much a personal invasion on you but instead part of how she is as a person that will most likely always lack the ability to connect in a more personal way with others regardless of how educated she is. This is something that was addressed in the movie Driving Miss Daisy. The casting of Jessica Tandy and Morgan Freeman was excellent as both these individuals captured exactly what this story is trying to portray.