Sometimes we love someone that simply cannot love us back the same way. The person your husband is running away from the most is himself. He is challenged with ptsd and he is constantly trying to escape through the alcohol and other drugs as well as being with women that have similar challenges. The so called "love" isn't actually love but the desire for "escape". His friend eventually decided to do the ultimate escape. Perhaps part of why your husband felt such a need to go to his wake was reflecting his need to see it was real and that his friend was really gone or to have a chance to say his goodbyes with the physical presence in front of him and to have a chance to pay his respects in a private way. There was a bonding that was present that is hard to put into words. I actually noticed this with my father who never really got over how all his shipmates he shared a compartment with ended up being killed by a bomb that hit that ship right in that compartment area. My father did not go on that tour with all his friends/comrads. He never go over that loss.

It's very hard to grieve how you wanted and were willing to love him only to end up not having that appreciated and respected the way deserved. The fact that you loved him doesn't mean you are a bad person or stupid etc., We often love someone that is for whatever reason unable to appreciate it. Sometimes it can be due to how something changed them in a way that is extremely hard to understand. Who is his next victim? Himself! He is very sick and needs help.