It’s sad he died in that manner. I once attended funeral of a person who committed suicide, minister said that even though we wish the person seeked help and went on living, we have to respect that they wanted to leave, we have to honor that it was their decision and it wasn’t in our power to get them help. We have to show respect to their decision

I’d not worry about you saying hurtful things to him. What would you think you should have done? Be a doormat even more? He lived off you, used you and abused you the way he likely used and abused others, essentially You didn’t even know him that well. I’d honor the fact that you were in love but he was always unwell and certainly not a suitable partner at all.

You need to find the way to let him go. He keeps causing problems even if indirectly. I felt you married your husband in a rush to prove to this guy that you are worthy of love. You kept checking up on his online and it ended years ago. You really need to try to let him go. I am sure he held no grudges over what you said to him in anger. I am sure he knew why because he knew he was treating women poorly. He likely wasn’t upset over your words at the end and it didn’t cause him anguish. In his addiction and derangement he used people to his advantage. He likely got used to people get angry at him, then he’d move on to the next.

Don’t beat yourself up. You did all you could to help him out but we are powerless over addictions.