O.E., when I met this friend over 15 years ago, her parents were both passed away for a long time. So I never observed their family dynamics. She speaks very tenderly about her mother who sounds as though she were a dear and gentle person. I'm sure how anyone turns out is affected by who their parents were. I have no idea how much of my friend's personality is similar to that if her mother's. From what she's told me - not much. She seems to be the opposite of her mom.

"The Help" was a good movie, IMO. It's a while since I've viewed it. But I don't see how the themes of that movie serve to illuminate my issue with this friend.

So "not all Xs are" . . . what? Are you saying not all blacks are the same? Not all whites are the same? Not all maids are the same? I'm afraid I lost you there.

My friend knows she rubs people the wrong way. She says she can see why this supervisor got her terminated. Her problem is she just can't resist the temptation to lord it over others at work.

She was in a longterm relationship with someone she got very close to.
My suspicion is that she wanted the benefits of having an S.O. but not the responsibilities. She seemed to think I was kind of foolish to spend years caregiving.

Even, after years of knowing her, I have no idea how she got to be the way she is. I suspect she was a bit spoiled. I don't know how people being marginalized in 1960s Mississippi relates to my friend. You lost me there.

My friend is inclined to be entitled and selfish. She tends to be a taker. I've seen her use someone else who was very giving toward her. Now and then, though, she does something nice. I think she's very on guard against being taken advantage of. (I don't know why.)

Some things are just a mystery. I think it's foolish to overexplain things that we don't really understand. I'm focused more on how to deal with her behavior than with how to figure out what formed her character. Sometimes we just don't have enough information to figure somethings out.