October 14, 2020

I was with my boyfriend (we were together over 2 years), a friend of his, and his brother looking for arrowheads. Someone was target practicing and shot my boyfriend in the head, about 3 or 4 feet away from me. He just fell. I stood up in disbelief and yelled for his brother to come over to us. We sat with him and our friend ran and called 911. It felt like forever sitting with him, waiting for help. Knowing there was nothing we could do. I just found out this week that no charges will come to the man that shot him. I'm just looking for others who have been in similar situations. I feel so alone in my experience. I feel like I'm in a dark hole and can't climb out. I miss him so much, and replaying him dying has been a daily battle. I was on medication, but stopped it cold turkey. I am in therapy, but don't find it helpful. I'm just lost. He was my soulmate. He was the only person who could get me out of my own head. He was there to rescue me physically in any situation I had gotten myself into. I just feel lost and alone.