Hugs, Scarlet, I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I've dealt with ruptures with ex-MC and current T (and I guess one or two with ex-T). So I know they can be incredibly painful.


I think the best thing you can do is continue talking about it with L. Don't think, "Oh, I've talked about this too much, she's probably sick of it, I should just let it go." Talk about it as much and as long as you need to. With Dr. T, the first major rupture (about the stone), I was still bringing it up periodically months later. Because I realized it was still affecting me in some way. With the second major rupture, I think it helped me to leave for a couple weeks and see someone else, as that both gave me another perspective but also made me realize how much I did trust Dr. T. That I didn't want to be seeing this new person, I wanted to be seeing Dr. T (I cried the whole way to my second session with the new T because I wanted to be seeing Dr. T instead).

It's probably going to take some time to feel you can really trust her again. But you and L have a very strong relationship. I think you'll be able to work through it. And I do think working through a rupture can make a relationship stronger--I think it has with Dr. T, though it took some time. Now I have more faith that we can work through things that come up. And we had a minor rupture in October, but worked through it quickly. At the time, he told me to talk about it as much as I needed to. He's not generally into spending too much time on therapeutic relationship stuff, but he said he knew this was important and to not worry that he'd be tired of talking about it.


I don't know the exact nature of what happened with L, but is there something she could say or do that might make you feel more secure in the relationship? If so, I'd tell her that. If you're not sure what you need, tell her that, too. It may just take some time. In the meantime, maybe it would help to loo back on ways she's shown herself to be really supportive and trustworthy in the past? Like emails, session writeups, things like that? I really hope you're able to work things out.