Does anyone else feel this way?

A year ago I went on disability. I finally gave in because I couldn't seem to keep a job to save my life. It wasn't for a lack of quality in my work. In that sense, they always found me impressive, especially my being a female in a man's world. I couldn't keep a job because ALWAYS there would be someone there who didn't like me (why?) and would trigger my CPTSD and that in turn can and often does, send me into a downward spiral of untreatable depression. I had to walk off the job.

Now, here I am, about to turn 59, and I have nothing to look forward to for the rest of my life. I have tons of experience and talents and nowhere to use them anymore. I've had to step down from CASA because I can no longer perform as effectively as I used to and that could jeapordize the best interest of the children. I also gave up being a Domme because rule #1 is safety and the ketamine infusions could cause me to injure myself and not know it, or worse, dissociate and hurt someone else.

I sit here thinking and thinking that there's got to be something out there for me, but I just keep coming up blank.

I grew up in a family where if you didn't work and pull your own weight, you didn't eat. Granted, no one is withholding food from me, but I just can't stand being a burden on both my husband and the government.

I just don't want to be sick anymore.