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Old Jan 17, 2021, 09:31 PM
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ScarletPimpernel ScarletPimpernel is offline
Wise Elder
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: US
Posts: 9,038
Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricManatee View Post
I'm sorry you had to go through this. You have been really brave to open up to L and try to work through some attachment stuff. It's so hard when you hit bumps with her and feel activated by them.

It sounds like you have worked through the issue with her, which has been the most important part of navigating ruptures, in my experience. As for how long it takes to get over it, it has really varied from hours to months for me. There is just no way to know. It sounds like you are willing to try to trust again, so you may start to feel better gradually as that trust starts to rebuild again. This is especially something to observe and talk about when you're with L. (How do you feel? What are you sensing from her? Is something from your past being activated that might not 100% have to do with L and the current situation?)

When I feel fragile and exhausted and just generally emotionally yucky outside of session, I try to focus on pleasant distractions and soothing sensory things. The distractions help keep my brain occupied until I am in a place where I can use my wise mind again, and the sensory stuff helps my body know that I'm safe and can relax, which helps my whole system feel calmer. I know you like crocheting/crafting, so maybe start a new project? And then try warm, cozy clothes, a hot shower, a nice candle, relaxing music, a blanket, or whatever is pleasing to your particular senses. I hope it gets easier! You're clearly working very hard.
I think we have worked through the issue/misunderstanding. It's just the aftereffects of going through the trauma (as L says). She says it's hard when the trauma come up and coincides with a misunderstanding in our relationship. It almost blurs the two.

Thanks for the suggestions! I took your advice and ordered a bunch of yarn to make full size blankets for my nieces. They have baby size ones which they are using now for their dolls. It will make great Christmas presents!

I also have been cuddling with L's blanket. It helps me feel like she's there. I do need her, and want her, and the misunderstanding just wrecked havoc on me.

We're going to do a phone call tomorrow morning so that I can check-in and hear her voice with reassurances.
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