It's my conditioning from my father. I am used to being dismissed, overlooked and ignored. I am used to a male being the central focus. I am used to his needs coming first and mine coming last. My work ahead is to break this conditioning.

I am now angry over my husband's response to my ex fiance's death. I cannot believe he had to make MY grief all about HIM. HIs response to me was APPALLING. Just appalling.

Why am I still surprised by his extremely self absorbed behavior? Each and every time, it shocks me. I told him he's a MONSTER.

He is not human - he's the devil incarnate. I think he has many demons to contend with. The things he does are not normal behavior whatsoever. I couldn't believe that he tried to argue with me about US and our relationship on the day of my grieving a loss.

Then after I told him he's a monster and to leave me alone? He does a complete 180 and tried to comfort and console me. He kept contacting me to offer his help. Yeah, right. I don't need YOUR help, thank you very much.

It was a mistake on my part to even tell him. I was rattled, and I told him. I need to THINK first BEFORE texting and BEFORE acting. I often will act on my emotions - I need to stop doing that.

I am pissed off this morning.