I went to my parent's home yesterday and we talked at length about my ex fiance. They had met him several times. Their first impression was that he had no center, that he was very needy and very dependent on me. They did not speak well of him at all yesterday.

And I felt badly for speaking poorly of him after his death. There's something about me that doesn't like to do so. I don't want him hearing these things from an afterlife - I don't want to criticize someone who has just passed.

I wanted to focus more so on the tragic reality that this poor man felt he had no other choice and no other options.

Perhaps I have far too much compassion for people who do not deserve my compassion. Yes, he was abusive towards me. Yes, he turned my life into a nightmare for those three and 1/2 months that he lived with me. I had to kick him out of the home after several months. It was a terrible time in my life and I had a terrible experience with him towards the end.

Regardless of the harm he caused me, I still feel compassion for him. I had forgiven him for everything he did last December by email.

It's very very sad to me that he never found the help he needed in order to be and feel successful in life. It's a real tragedy, and I felt his grandmother's enormous pain the other day when we spoke. She is still in shock and is totally heartbroken, naturally. She said he was like a son to them.

I am still processing this right now. I know I will move on soon and will focus on other important things in my life that I must attend to. But this has effected me deeply, and it's just so very sad.

I won't be speaking with my parents about this again.