I dont think its wrong to have expectations about what people should provide you. The thing is though that expectations can never be met if the people you are expecting from do not know what they are. I know that seems silly but IME its true. There is nothing wrong with high standards. But if the people we expect to meet these standards havent met them before or have no intentions of meeting them at all, we are bound to be hurt and dissapointed.. Perhaps your parents thought because the exfiance was dead it was ok to bash him. I would have immediately said that bashing was not ok, and what I needed was xyz. I am guessing the shock over their bashing jarred you so you werent able to say anything in the moment. And because you werent able to say anything maybe they thought they had a go pass and that you didnt mind. As far as current husband goes I would say the same thing may apply. I believe you probably have already told him what you need. And youve told him what your standards are. He has proven over and over again that he cant meet them. In fact Id go so far as to say he WONT meet them. That is a choice. He probaby thought his lack of compassion would be a nice weapon to hurt you with. Sadly it was and it did hurt. But he has proven over and over how awful he is so dont expect anything, ever from him again.