I've been a volunteer Court Appointed Special Advocate or CASA for the last 20 years.

My husband wants me to volunteer at the new animal shelter when it opens. I signed up to foster exotics because I love snakes, lizards, hedgehogs, and any other pet that's not a cat or dog - tho I love them too. So far no takers.

If I had it my way, I would train PTSD dogs for disabled veterans. The dogs would be free to the veterans. But just like every other idea I've had in the last couple of years, someone shoots me down for whatever reason.

I have experience building wire harnesses for boats, vehicles, and specialty applications and if I save up enough money I could buy the tools I'd need but how would I go about finding customers? I'm stuck on that part. I hope I can figure it out.

I admit, I am simply having a pity party. Of all the things I've thought about being over the decades, bipolar was not one of them. I still struggle to accept and cope with it. This morning I had a meltdown because my husband told me I keep buying blueberry muffin mix. I have absolutely no memory of doing that. When we got home, I looked in the kitchen cabinet and there's 4 boxes of blueberry muffin mix. I am so disturbed by my memory problems. I dissociate more as I get older.

I'm sure at some point things will get better but not today.