There is nothing wrong with you feeling empathy and compassion and being sad about death of this man. There is no issue with you feeling any type of emotions. It’s your right. I don’t believe anyone tells you to not be compassionate.

I think your expectation that other people must feel sympathy towards someone they’ve never met or met only few times and only knew him as your extreme abuser is unusual. You could feel empathy but why do they have to? Especially if he caused you harm? Why must they grieve him?

And maybe they aren’t providing sufficient comfort for you because they don’t feel it’s YOUR loss like you are his widow and need comfort. I am sure they’d not speak poorly of him to people whose loss it truly is, his family.

You are married to someone else. My daughter was in a brief relationship after her sweet husband died. The guy was asinine, she got out quick. He was horrid, she was vulnerable and he was one of those who preyed on vulnerable women. She is now getting married. To a wonderful man. My loyalty is to him. Not to a jerk she encountered. If that horrible man she was with died, I’d not rejoice of course, it’s evil. But I’d not be overcome with grief. He hurt my daughter, my daughter would never expect me to be all empathic and sympathetic and grieve over this dude I can’t care less about. She’d never expect that. It doesn’t mean she is not compassionate or that I lack empathy. We are very loving people

You are right, you could grieve over this man even though he was extreme abuser but your parents and husband have no obligation to have any particular feelings about him or his death. They didn’t even know him.