Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I think it might be a variation of a “complicated grief”.
You are grieving yet you have many bad memories and maybe had a sense of relief when he died, and now guilt of feeling relief brings even more intense grief. And it mixes with good memories and it’s kind of normal in that situation. That’s my take on it.
My stepkids lost their abusive mother last year, one had no relationship with her (for a good reason)and the other only occasional communication, they were very torn between grieving and relief that life long source of stress dealing with her is gone. They both shared that they didn’t know how to feel. Their life is so much better now yet she was their mother and they did have some good memories. So they had very conflicting feelings at first.
I apologize if I am not helpful
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Thank you, Divine. That's really helpful to have another phrase (complicated grief) to help me understand
I'm sorry your stepkids are going through it
Poor things. Yes, relief, of course
How lucky they are to have a wise, caring person like you
I felt that I'd somewhat moved onto 'forgiveness' with my own dad.
When I was in my early 30's, I had a vivid dream in which he and I were trying to stay afloat in a cold, dark sea (sorry if this triggers anyone). He was going down, and I was trying to hold him up. His face was right in front of mine. And (in the dream), I realised that I would have done anything (even give my own life) to save him
That was a cathartic moment, for me. I'd been furiously angry with the man for a long time. But the dream allowed me to settle in my own mind the real truth of the matter; I did not want to kill him. I loved him. And, as I said - I chose to at least try and move towards forgiveness.
So, it's come as a surprise to find myself missing him so much. Birthdays can do that, can't they? It's as though you've bumped into that person on the street, and can suddenly see and feel them again, and you worry that you haven't bought them a birthday card, or called them for ages, and that they might not have enough money to get by