I am sorry. I get it, death to suicide is very hard to cope. I am familiar with it, I lost people to it. I get it why your feelings about his death are intense and you being able to relate.
What I meant by not getting “why it’s so intense” I meant why your attachment to him is so intense, you found out he died because you googled him. I failed to grasp why he is so important. So I guess that’s what I didn’t get.
Grief I understand. Sadly grief is a lonely feeling because no one can ever truly understand someone else’s feeling of grief. It’s a private feeling. Sorry again. You know I am on your side, just failed to grasp about this guy.
Hugs