L and I have been talking (through email). She really seems to understand. She used the metaphor of a boat being our relationship. I thought there was a hole in our boat, and I thought we were going to sink. I really felt like it was happening in the moment. But it turns out that it wasn't a hole. Now that my fears have been activated, I'm desperately searching for anymore holes. I won't feel comfortable sailing in that boat until I sincerely know there are no holes. She says that will take reassurances, sleep (I haven't been sleeping well), consistency, repetition of memories, and time.

We also talked about how it seems like she's just telling me a "pretty story" to make me feel better. She says she did not feel manipulated by me and that she understands honesty above all else, even comfort.

She said we will go over this as many times as I need to. Like a wound that needs to be re-bandaged. We will listen to what the wound needs at each stage and meet those needs until it's healed.