Yup, that is typical of narcissistic behavior. That is what I have been dealing with in my older sister. Only, with my sister if she knows she is hurting you that is when she feels that she is winning. My sister WANTS others to act bad so she can blame them and play the victim. It's incredible the things she does to bait people. Plus she can be a stalker and likes to single out her victims and get them alone. She WANTS others to feel powerless as that's what gives her a sense of power.

So what can be very distorted is what the narcissist considers "winning". For you "hurting" isn't a win or so you say, but for other narcissists that's part of what they feel is a win.