My anxiety is the worst today. If my mental health team decided to put me inpatient I don’t think I’d be against it. But I can’t eat and I just keep taking Xanax which isn’t helping. I’ve had two 1mil XR and one .5 in about 2 hours. When I do eat my stomach hurts so badly. I went to the mall today for the first time since March and I really had to use the bathroom. I have not used a public restroom since starting my transition. I identify as male and I also pass more for male then I do female. So I decided to use the guys room because I felt like no one would yell at me. No one was in when I went in. When I came out 2 guys were there and one guy was coming in and he gave me a glance but I hurried on my way. I feel super awkward but also kind of proud of myself. But yeah I’m not sleeping well or eating much and I am so incredibly anxious. I was sweating in the mall and my feet felt slippery because they were sweating too.

I think it’s just really bad anxiety. I don’t think there’s anything physical going on but I can think of several big stressful events coming up.

Although I do kinda freak out sometimes about cancer. Specifically leukemia and bladder cancer.