My hubby and I stayed up talking until 4am. He has admitted his problems, started to identify where they stem from, and has set up online couselling for himself. He feels as though he's an "adrenaline junkie", and when his real life feels too out of control, he turns to the computer to find a woman to build an online fantasy with. He lashes out at me, or pushes me away when he gets frustrated with things. He has never let me be his friend. In the past he has used drugs, alcohol and other bad behaviors to run away, but those issues were resolved long before he met me. Bottom line is he suffers from depression, and every bad behavior is the result of that.

I too have arranged telephone therapy fir myself (I'm too big and pregnant to want to drive to and from the therapist office every week), so I can work through the pain and trust issues he has brought to the surface again. I need to be OK as a person too, I need to find my "inner peace" again.

That all being said, I have told him that our marriage is still over. After 6 1/2 years, we both realize that our relationship has never been based on honesty (he's not capable of it), and the trust has been damaged beyond repair. I told him that from this day forward we can start a new "friendship", and I will be here to listen when he wants to talk, cry or even just scream, but our "romance" is over. I don't want anything to do with the person he was (is). He is the father of my children, and I feel I owe it to them to help him become a better person, and a proper role model for them. I just hope he's strong enough to face his demons and work through them.

I'm glad the anomosity is gone, and today I don't feel like crying every five minutes, but I'm still terribly sad. I woke up this morning living with a roomate instead of someone I thought was my soulmate. I don't know if I'll seperate our living arrangements right after the new baby comes, but I feel like if I continue to live with him he might just slip back into his old behaviors (I tend to make life very easy for him, it's just my nature).

Here's a question for all: has anyone ever continued to live with a spouse after you seperated, and if so, how did it work out?

Thank you to all those who have helped me through this difficult time...I will be forever grateful.