Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Well, from what you shared it sounded like you were the one listening to her complaints a lot for a while. It might just be that this individual isn't one that can stay engaged with others for a long period. Maybe it's too much effort for her due to her bouts of depression. I just offered a few examples of different behaviors that present that may not be ideal for the kind of friendship that would be healthy for you. My concern was how you are expressing your unworthiness and self blaming.
I know for myself, I do try to sit with others the best way I can. I try to listen and be caring but I am never going to be perfect. There can be so many things about that other person that may make it challenging too. Sometimes a person just isn't available in what I might consider normal too. Often for myself, I had to learn for example that both my husband and my older brother don't have the attention span to sit and listen for very long. It's just they are wired and they get very distracted. I already know I can't expect more than they can give and it's not me, it's just how they are as people.
Are these individuals that you interact with mostly online?
|
Oh okay, I understand what you’re saying now
I understand everyone is different and I have definitely listened to her problems a lot, but I know she’s been there for me too. For now, I do agree it makes me feel very unimportant and unworthy which isn’t healthy, but I also wonder if I’m overreacting.
The most frustrating thing is just not knowing what’s up. I, too, have bouts of depression and won’t speak to anyone for a day or two (and I have done this to my friend before) but when I come I will tell her what was up and why I went MIA. From her, ive never heard an apology or any kind of explanation that could be causing her unresponsive, coupled with her bailing on me and kind of barely apologising, it feels awful.
Yes our communication is all online because of COVID. We used to hang out a lot in person though, but she moved away. She offered to visit recently but then just stopped mentioning that. Of course it was probably because of the worsening of the virus and tighter restrictions but she didn’t say this, just...stopped offering to visit
