I actually just explained that to my therapist this week. I said if I am bipolar, I have something else too because I just have too many unstable times. I’m not feeling well. I looked at borderline personality disorder and I just don’t relate to that. For me, I think some of my mood issues are related to anxiety. When I was in the hospital the psychiatrist said that I potentially had cptsd. I brushed it off at the time. I decided to take a look at it the other day and I can see it. I think there’s a good potential that I have that or something similar. Trigger warning...I deal with chronic suicidal urges and I had a big breakthrough with that. There is a potential the suicidal ideation is not a symptom of a disorder but rather a maladapted coping mechanism I learned from an unfortunate incident in early adulthood. That was a huge realization for me. I wonder if my therapist realized that already. Anyway I need to see what I can do to change poor coping skills.