Please do not hurt yourself or anyone else. i'd strongly encourage you to consider therapy as it can help a lot and even be a Life-saver in some similar cases. Remember that you're a good person and deserve to live and do not forget to contact some Family members and friends as they likely would Love to do anything in their power to help. Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, @NotDeadYet, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!